Lessons in humility, y'all
Since I last posted on my blog (I am STILL trying to figure out how to say this correctly...any advice?) many, many new things have occurred in my life. I moved in October 2013 to Houston, Texas. The irony in moving to Houston is, six months prior to packing my bags, someone asked me where is the one place I would never want to move? Without skipping a beat I said, "Houston, TX, DUH." I think my exact quote was, "I would rather move anywhere on this earth than move to Houston, TX." And then God and his hilarious sense of humor moved me to Houston and has used this city to bring a empty, dead person back to life.
I had been doing Young Life in Rockport, Texas for two and a half years and was mentally, emotionally, and spiritually dead. I started work in Houston in November of 2013. I thrived living in the city; I came back to life. I made wonderful friends, found an amazing church, adopted a cat, and had a great job that afforded me the lifestyle of my dreams. And in May of 2014, my world was rocked when I met a 6'3 blonde haired, blue eyed baseball player that loved Jesus. And he thought I was pretty cool, too. Fast forward to a year and a half later and he asked me to hang out with him for the rest of our lives. Things in this twentysomethings life were kind of perfect. I had a new job, lived in an awesome house with a great girlfriend, loved the city I lived in, had a great community, still had close relationships with my friends from college, and the Lord blessed me with my forever boyfriend.
Then last month happened...
I was working at a new job in H-town. I started at the new position in July of 2015. It was in the middle of downtown, way up high in the sky. I had a wonderful boss and great co-workers. I received a significant raise from my previous employer and had a really healthy work-life balance. My life seemed like it could not get any better.
Then the unthinkable happened...
It was like any other Thursday afternoon. I walked into my bosses office to speak to her about something and she asked me to sit down...dun, dun, dun! She asked me how I thought I was doing in my new role. I said I thought I was doing really well....she seemed to have a different opinion. Now let me be clear. My boss is an amazing woman. There are people in this world that are true inspirations to be around and she is one of them. I have nothing but love and admiration for her. We spoke for about 20 minutes and I learned that she didn't think I was a good fit for the position. Ouch.
We had a few more conversations over the next week, and shortly after our last conversation, I put in my two weeks notice.
A multitude of questions went through my mind after the initial conversation with my former boss. "I've only been here a month and a half, am I that terrible at this job that you want me to leave so soon?","What will I tell my parents?","What do I tell my friends?","What do I do about that little thing called money?","I'M PLANNING A WEDDING AND DON'T HAVE A JOB?!"
And then, two phrases became tattooed on my mind and try as I might, I couldn't get them to leave:
I spent the next few weeks crying. Like, Kim-Kardashian-ugly-cry-face crying. It wasn't that I had necessarily put my worth in my job, I actually have said all along that I don't fully enjoy being an executive assistant and that I wouldn't be doing it forever. It was that I had put my worth in making everyone think I had made something of myself. That I wasn't a failure; that I was smart. Like, look at Katie, she went off to the big city and has "made it." She proved to all the haters (who do I think I am that I think I am popular enough to have haters) wrong. I had put my worth in myself. My pride. My works. Me, me, me. And when my pride had to be swallowed, it DID NOT go down smoothly and tasted awful.
I spent the last month in A LOT of prayer and scripture. If dependence on the Lord is our goal, then our weakness is our advantage. There came a point after the tears stopped that I asked myself a question that I never really asked myself before: "Katie, what is it that you want to do?"
Ever since college jobs have always kind of fallen into my lap. My first three jobs were because someone recommended me for something they thought I would be good at doing. I never had to apply for a job and never really had to interview for a job, either. So because of this, I never really asked myself what I wanted to do; it has always just kind of happened. And I am BEYOND thankful and grateful for every single opportunity that has been gifted to me. But it also has made me very apathetic. And unbeknownst to me, SUPER, EXTREMELY, and TERRIBLY prideful.
This situation has not been easy and most of the time hasn't been fun. But the Lord has changed my heart towards it all. Instead of believing I am a failure or stupid, I am reminded that my worth is in Christ. Believing the lie that I am stupid or that I am a failure is not trusting Jesus. Now I get the amazing opportunity and privilege to ask myself what is it that I love to do? And what is it that I want to do? At the end of the day I want the Lord's will, plan and simple. But I also believe the Lord gives us unique gifts and when we lean into them I believe we get a picture into what the Lord Jesus means when he said to live abundantly. And I believe that the Lord allows us to choose what we want to do. There is freedom in knowing that we can't mess up the Lords' plan. This is not to make an excuse for our behavior when we sin, but rather, it is to rest in knowing when we pursue Jesus intentionally we have freedom in knowing that the Lord loves us, knows us, and has the best for us.
So, if you are still reading, I applaud you!
So...drum roll please...as of September 9th I started school to become a...certified teacher!
Like I said, God has a hilarious sense of humor. Growing up, I always wanted to be a teacher. When I got to college I started to believe the lie that I had to "make something of myself." And to me making something of myself meant climbing the corporate ladder. Now that I have been pushed off the ladder very hard, I have landed - not gracefully - in the peace of knowing this is exactly where I need to be and exactly what I want to be doing. I will be taking my certification test at the beginning of December. And, as of yesterday, I got a part-time job at Barnes and Noble. Yup, you heard it right. I am essentially a 19 year-old sophomore in college working to pay for her groceries and cell phone bill.
Over the past month, the Lord has taught me so much. I have learned and continue to learn humility. I am also starting to learn we will never fully understand or know the depths of our pride and how it impacts EVERYTHING in our lives. Our life on this earth is a constant refining/sanctification process. If trusting in the Lord is our goal then our pride is definitely the enemy. I have learned that the Lord ALWAYS provides, even if you don't think it is enough, or if it wasn't AT ALL the way you thought he was going to provide. I have learned that people who love you will not think you're a failure; they will see that your worth is not in your work. And I have also realized that at 28 I get the privilege of asking myself what it is that I really want to do with the gifts the Lord has given me. And, most importantly, I have learned that my identity is in Jesus and not in my work.
Prayers for me as I go back to school. Prayers for me as I continue to learn about humility.
Xoxo
Katie
I had been doing Young Life in Rockport, Texas for two and a half years and was mentally, emotionally, and spiritually dead. I started work in Houston in November of 2013. I thrived living in the city; I came back to life. I made wonderful friends, found an amazing church, adopted a cat, and had a great job that afforded me the lifestyle of my dreams. And in May of 2014, my world was rocked when I met a 6'3 blonde haired, blue eyed baseball player that loved Jesus. And he thought I was pretty cool, too. Fast forward to a year and a half later and he asked me to hang out with him for the rest of our lives. Things in this twentysomethings life were kind of perfect. I had a new job, lived in an awesome house with a great girlfriend, loved the city I lived in, had a great community, still had close relationships with my friends from college, and the Lord blessed me with my forever boyfriend.
Then last month happened...
I was working at a new job in H-town. I started at the new position in July of 2015. It was in the middle of downtown, way up high in the sky. I had a wonderful boss and great co-workers. I received a significant raise from my previous employer and had a really healthy work-life balance. My life seemed like it could not get any better.
Then the unthinkable happened...
It was like any other Thursday afternoon. I walked into my bosses office to speak to her about something and she asked me to sit down...dun, dun, dun! She asked me how I thought I was doing in my new role. I said I thought I was doing really well....she seemed to have a different opinion. Now let me be clear. My boss is an amazing woman. There are people in this world that are true inspirations to be around and she is one of them. I have nothing but love and admiration for her. We spoke for about 20 minutes and I learned that she didn't think I was a good fit for the position. Ouch.
We had a few more conversations over the next week, and shortly after our last conversation, I put in my two weeks notice.
A multitude of questions went through my mind after the initial conversation with my former boss. "I've only been here a month and a half, am I that terrible at this job that you want me to leave so soon?","What will I tell my parents?","What do I tell my friends?","What do I do about that little thing called money?","I'M PLANNING A WEDDING AND DON'T HAVE A JOB?!"
And then, two phrases became tattooed on my mind and try as I might, I couldn't get them to leave:
"Katie,you are stupid."
"Katie, you are a failure."
I spent the next few weeks crying. Like, Kim-Kardashian-ugly-cry-face crying. It wasn't that I had necessarily put my worth in my job, I actually have said all along that I don't fully enjoy being an executive assistant and that I wouldn't be doing it forever. It was that I had put my worth in making everyone think I had made something of myself. That I wasn't a failure; that I was smart. Like, look at Katie, she went off to the big city and has "made it." She proved to all the haters (who do I think I am that I think I am popular enough to have haters) wrong. I had put my worth in myself. My pride. My works. Me, me, me. And when my pride had to be swallowed, it DID NOT go down smoothly and tasted awful.
I spent the last month in A LOT of prayer and scripture. If dependence on the Lord is our goal, then our weakness is our advantage. There came a point after the tears stopped that I asked myself a question that I never really asked myself before: "Katie, what is it that you want to do?"
Ever since college jobs have always kind of fallen into my lap. My first three jobs were because someone recommended me for something they thought I would be good at doing. I never had to apply for a job and never really had to interview for a job, either. So because of this, I never really asked myself what I wanted to do; it has always just kind of happened. And I am BEYOND thankful and grateful for every single opportunity that has been gifted to me. But it also has made me very apathetic. And unbeknownst to me, SUPER, EXTREMELY, and TERRIBLY prideful.
This situation has not been easy and most of the time hasn't been fun. But the Lord has changed my heart towards it all. Instead of believing I am a failure or stupid, I am reminded that my worth is in Christ. Believing the lie that I am stupid or that I am a failure is not trusting Jesus. Now I get the amazing opportunity and privilege to ask myself what is it that I love to do? And what is it that I want to do? At the end of the day I want the Lord's will, plan and simple. But I also believe the Lord gives us unique gifts and when we lean into them I believe we get a picture into what the Lord Jesus means when he said to live abundantly. And I believe that the Lord allows us to choose what we want to do. There is freedom in knowing that we can't mess up the Lords' plan. This is not to make an excuse for our behavior when we sin, but rather, it is to rest in knowing when we pursue Jesus intentionally we have freedom in knowing that the Lord loves us, knows us, and has the best for us.
So, if you are still reading, I applaud you!
So...drum roll please...as of September 9th I started school to become a...certified teacher!
WHAT.
Over the past month, the Lord has taught me so much. I have learned and continue to learn humility. I am also starting to learn we will never fully understand or know the depths of our pride and how it impacts EVERYTHING in our lives. Our life on this earth is a constant refining/sanctification process. If trusting in the Lord is our goal then our pride is definitely the enemy. I have learned that the Lord ALWAYS provides, even if you don't think it is enough, or if it wasn't AT ALL the way you thought he was going to provide. I have learned that people who love you will not think you're a failure; they will see that your worth is not in your work. And I have also realized that at 28 I get the privilege of asking myself what it is that I really want to do with the gifts the Lord has given me. And, most importantly, I have learned that my identity is in Jesus and not in my work.
Prayers for me as I go back to school. Prayers for me as I continue to learn about humility.
Xoxo
Katie
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